I am sorry it's so long but read it anyway.

2002-04-16, 2:10 p.m.

I�m not really sure what is going on between Me and Danie� Sunday I had to leave work for a little while so I could give her a ride home from her work. I though we were still broken up but she was so sweet and acting a little strange. I took her home and was on my way back to work I said bye and headed to the door she grabbed my hand and placed both hands over it and put it up to her mouth. My heart started beating real fast and I had this incredible urge so I wrapped both my arms around her and laid my head on her shoulder. We both started crying. We stayed that was for a while just holding each other without saying a word� I wanted to kiss her so bad but I was confused I did not know what to think. Then she told me she loves me, I told her �I will always love you!� then I left back to work and I felt so much better.

That evening I came home from work still a little confused we talked for a while about our day then we cuddled up on the couch and watched a movie� just like old times. But we still had not talked about it. She went out jogging and I went to bed around 830pm.

That night she came and crawled into bed with me, I remember being woken up in the middle of the night with her asking me... can I sleep with you? I think then I was too tired to respond but when I woke up the next morning with her lying beside me it was such a good feeling. I cuddled up real close to her and put my arm around her and just laid there awake for a while until she woke up. When she woke up she turned and faced me then said� �I don�t want to loose you!� then we started kissing for the first time since we broke up� and one thing led to another and yea you don�t want to hear about that.

Yesterday was great work was just awesome I felt so much better so focused on what I was doing. It was kinda creepy everything came so easy to me� easier the normal. I put out more fires in one day then I have in the last 2 weeks. I felt confident and just plain on top of shit. That was possibly the most productive day at work I have ever had. I am amazed by how much I got done without even really thinking about it. The whole day just kinda flowed the next thing I knew it was time to go home. Strange how Mondays are usually hell for me. So much to do I just get stressed and spin my wheels. Yesterday was a piece of cake.

And today is pretty much the same� my one and only day off this week I woke up early had breakfast with my sweetie, took her to work, and went to my jiu-jitsu class. Man did that go well. Something Is going on with me I feel so focused, so relaxed, everything is easy right now. I feel like I could do anything. I am almost scaring myself because I feel like George Mally from �phenomenon� damn I even spelled that right. If I start moving shit with my mind then I�ll know something�s up.

But I still haven�t talked to Danie about where we are. The one thing that bothers me more then anything is� Am I being selfish letting her take me back? I always seem to hurt her. And judging by the amount of hate mail I get from people who read her diary I know she has a low opinion of me. If she writes how she feels and I seem like the �asshole� I tend to get called a lot. That means that�s how I make her feel. And if I make her feel bad then what the fuck are we doing wasting our time? She can move on� I can move on� I doubt anyone can change who I am!!!

prev � next