-2002-02-16, 5:44 p.m.Don�t you hate how you can never change the past? It just lingers like a bad habit. Everything in my life is going so well right now, but I can�t escape the things I have done. I hate myself, I hate the person I am. It�s no wonder nobody likes me� they can see right threw me and they know the kind of person I am. The worst thing about being a heartless bastard is� when you know you�re a heartless bastard, that�s just torture. It�s been a while since I have been depressed, then again it�s been a while since someone has reminded me what a terrible person I really am. This is my routine kick in the ass. The routine kick in the ass would be a good thing if I ever learned from my mistakes. But I don�t, I�m too stupid.You see� I like to believe I can save the world, I want everyone to like me, to look up to me. How can this happen when everyone knows that I�m such a miserable person I should be taken out back and shot. If I wasn�t such a coward I would do the world a favor and shoot myself. Sure people would miss me� for a while, but they would get over It quick and then they would realize that there life is better without me there to hurt them, make them feel bad about themselves. Then they would be glad I�m dead. Do you think I�m talking about a certain someone ? Well you�re right� I�m talking about Danie. I hurt her, and for some reason she loves me too much to realize how much better off she would be without me. Why dose she love me? Why dose she put up with me? I don�t think even god knows(and that�s assuming there is a god) I know bad I am to her, she must too. I don�t want to kill myself� but I do want everything I have done to be erased. I know that�s not possible so instead I�m just going to beat myself up for a while until this goes away. Yes I know that it will be back again, but at least it will go away for a while. What else can I do? I am too week to become a better man. Not like it would do any good to erase my past� I just fuck everything up all over again. |