another lonley friday night.2001-11-16, 7:24 p.m.you know im starting to hate friday nights real bad. i sit home, ALONE... i find myself doing nothing but looking foward to 8:30 when lizzy comes on the disney channel(thats pretty sad). ive been looking for a part time job for a little exrta cash to help us get back on top, and kinda fill that sitting home alone gap a bit. its not that i dont work enough at smiths(belive me i work plenty), its just that i dont do anything else so why not work some more. i know its my fault i dont do anything, i have this problem(some kind of all powerful force)... you see the people i enjoy hanging around... avoid me like the pleague. and the people who want to hang out with me... i cant stand. see my delima. but like i said i suppose its all my fault. everyone seems to like me, i have no enemys(that i know of) i say hi to 1000 people every day... i have conversations with everyone at work, but it ends there. as soon as i leave the store my social life falls off a clif and lands in DEEP space. is that possible? well i happen to know... ITS VERY POSSIBLE! belive me! what is it about me that people find so boring or whatever it is that makes them avoid me? i think there is someone out there who knows the answer(you know who you are) and even if you never ever talk to me again(it would be cool if you did but...)PLEASE tell me... why dont people like hanging out with me??????? that is the question of the day(the decade) for me.my self esteem is strange... i belive there is no limit to what i can do. but i dont want anything in this life. so what do i do... kill time working in a grocery store complaining all the time. tell you what... if you need a super hero... call me. thats my ticket, i can slay dragons , save princeses, overthrow foul rulers, build small armyies and restore freedom to pesants and slaves. but i can get a high school diploma or spell armyies)... aint that some shit. maybey i can become a assassian for the government. how would one go about a carrer in that feild? its just too bad bad we live in a modern world with guns, bombs, and all that other modern shit. in this world to lead a good life you have to go to school, collage, get a good job, worry about bills, intrest rates, credit rating, everybody and thair dogs trying to fuck you over, find a soulmate, buy a house, get married, have kids, go to work and do the same thing everyday for the rest of your life, or until your too old to do anything, then DIE. well gollybeG that sounds like fun. I CAN BE SOMETHING GREAT, I FEEL IT, I KNOW IT... BUT I REFUSE TO PLAY THE GAME! i dont want to lean how to spell, i dont want to go to school so i can get a better shitty job, i dont want any of it! i guess im just buying time until then need me. or until i die one or the other. |