my vow.2002-02-24, 3:48 p.m.Remember that girl that I went out with about a month ago� the one I should not have gone out with? Yeah that one. Well she transferred to my department and is gong to be working In the dairy. She is a good worker and deserves the promotion but I�m not so sure it�s a good idea� the problem is I kind of still like her a little more then I should. We worked together today(I wan training her) and we had so much fun. We joked around she made me laugh� a lot. I found myself becoming attracted to her all over again. I tried so hard to convince myself I was over my little infatuation with her. What is wrong with me? I know it�s totally normal to be attracted to someone� but I can�t control myself, the last time we were together I did things I never thought I would. I know I made a mistake but will I be able to control myself if the time comes again? And what if I want the time to come again? I should still be mad at her because she told people at work what we did but how can I stay med at someone who looks at me the way she dose. And if she came up to me and started kissing me� I know I would kiss her right back. AGHHHHHH! I am so fucking bad. Someone please tell me how to shake this, please I need help. I will make every effort imaginable to not schedule her when I am there, that I can control. If there is no way to control the way I feel then�I must find a way to get her off my mind. A huge part of me dose not want her off my mind and I can�t deny that. But an even bigger part of me knows that she is no good for me, no good for my relationship.What is it with me? Am I really such an piece of shit that I can�t respect the woman I love enough to not fall for another woman? This is my vow� fact� I am attracted to Jessica(that�s her name), fact� I am in love with Danie and I don�t want to hurt her, fact� whenever I see Jessica I want to wrap both my arm around her and kiss her all over, fact� I am not supposed to do that. So this is my vow� the fact remains that I cannot control the way I feel, but I can control what I do. So this time I am going to make a promise to myself and anyone who reads this� my feeling for Jessica may remain but I swear to god if I ever fool around with her again I will take my own life. I know how serious that is but I love Danie, and if I can�t control myself enough to remain faithful then I do not deserve to live. That�s not even in the bible but I do have honor� or at least I like to think so. This is a judge of character I like to think of myself as a good person. Good people don�t hurt others over some stupid little infatuation. |