I wish I had a good friend.

2002-03-02, 7:06 p.m.

Well this sucks� I talked to a friend from work today and he asked if I wanted to go out tonight. I was actually looking forward to the idea but when I called him up later he said he was not really in the mood to go out. That bites. I could always call my brother but I�m sure he already has plans with some girl and I don�t think I can handle getting rejected again. So I guess this means another lonely Saturday night for Mike. What else is new� I might as well get used to it. Hey� I bet if I called Jessica she would go out with me� but I wont� I guess I�ll be a good boy today. A good boy just sitting here all alone. Maybe I�ll rent movies AGAIN. I am so fucking sick of movies� and what fun is watching movies buy yourself anyway� this may sound sad but� if I was on salary I would go to work right now. At least it�s something to do. I�m sure I�ll probably end up doing the same old sat night thing� NOTHING.

I had a fight with Danie yesterday� not good. It was the same old fight you know were both in prissy moods and she is bitching at me about this and that, and then I say something stupid and she cries and yells at me for a while. Bringing up the PAST as usual. Why in the fuck do women always have to bring up the fucking past? It�s like to smear all the stupid things you have done in your face time and time again. I can�t handle it. She told me she wanted to break up and she wanted me out. Believe me this is totally normal she dose it because I always kiss her ass and say I�m sorry honey� it�s all my fault. And then everything is good. Well guess what I decided not to apologize this time. She went to work upset I stayed home sulking wishing I has someone to talk to about our problems. And a few hours later she called me and apologized. The truth is� now matter how bad I want to� I just don�t think were going to make it. I hurt her to much. Me being the way I am is tearing her apart. Every time we fight we promise we will change. We have been promising to change for 4 years now and I�m still the same old selfish asshole I always was� And she�s still the same old lazy depressed girl she always was. I don�t think I have the energy to keep this up anymore. And most of all I don�t want to keep hurting her.

We had a good day today� but it seems for every good day there is always a bad one just around the corner. I don�t know what to do????????????????????????

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