and he updates and unlocks his diary the same day... joy to the world.2003-03-23, 12:04 p.m.i unloced my diary so people stop sending me emial asking me to unlock it. i really dont update enough to worry about it anyhow. i dont have a computer at home anymore since danie left and took it with her. i have been writing an a notebook jornal. i kinda like that the privacy of that, i dont have to worry about people i dont want to read finding it and reading it. no one ever comes to my apartment anymore. its so freeking lonley, all i do wake up, go to work, come home, eat, clean, turn the stero and and the light off, and fall asleep on the couch. sometimes i wake up in the middle of the night and turn the music off and crawl into bed, sometimes i dont. but at least im sleeping better now. for a while after she first left i could not sleep, eat, or barley even move. it took a few hard weeks but i think im ok now.i still have not been doing anything but i think ill start getting used to things soon and ill find a hobby. i never feel like doing anything but i forced myself to go out last night. i could not find anyone to go with me so i went out by myself. i went to a place called port o' call. its a cool place the have alot to do there, but all i did was sit alone in a corner all night. no one bothered me the whole time... it was like i did not even exhist. it will probably be the last time i ever go out by myself it was a hudge hit to my ego. even the ugly guys were talking to girls. the only time anyone talked to me was when the bouncer asker me to move my chair over a bit because it was blocking the emergancy exit. so yeah i never had fun going out with friends why did i think i might by myself? mostly im just tired of doing nothing. i have been working alot and i have not been able to leave to go to my class like i was for a while. its just been too busy. but i could still go to the gym, or to play ball with friends. but for whatever reason i opt to sit at home and feel sorry for myself. i had never noticed things like this before latley but there have been entire days where my phone dosent ring, not even a wrong number. if i look at my call logs the only numbers on there are bill colectors and work. and that psyco 16 year old i wish i have never given my number to. i know that sounds harsh coming from a guy who is a desprate for attention as i am. but really what buisness do a 16 and a 22 year old have. i swear she just wanted me to buy her beer and cigerettes, instead all i did was lecture her for like 3 hours about how she shold not lie, and about the reason her parents are so strict is becase they care. all the stuff a 16 year old girl dont want to hear, but for some reason she liked me for it. now she calles me all the time, she tells me she wants to quit smoking and drinking but all her friends pressure her into it. then i gave her the lecture about how if her friends cared they would not make her do something she did not want to. and she still calls me. the good thing is... she is moving to another state in a week to live with her real dad. well shit its been so long i can write all day but i gotta go. im sure by the next time i update next my life will be even more crazy. actualy i ahve thought about tranfering to a store in another state. just to get away from here. just a thought... |