how did i end up like this?2001-10-26, 7:22 p.m.i feel like such a SAD little LONER. i only have 1 friend, and he gets on my nerves most of the time. my little brother, sure... but its sad, even hes too busy for me. he has friends, goes out with girls. whats wrong with me???????????? am i too shy to have friends? NO... even shy people have friends. people should like me. I like me... i think.heres the thing... today one of my vendors gave me some hockey tickets. cool right? WRONG. you see the thing is, he gave me 2 tickets. and since i cant get anyone to go with me... thats 1 too many. its real sad i mean, i have the tickets... just no friends. danie has to work, justin has a date (good for him) and...oh, fuck it. im just a LONER i might as well get used to it. its not like i dont try to meet people i think its just once they meet me i creep them out or something. i cant even begin to tell you how many people ive gone out with once and... never heard from again. what is it? if only i knew what im doing wrong maybey i can change it. or at least try. every one else has friends, am i annoying? im not LOUD (far from it), i dont belch, i dont make fun of people. what do i do wrong? i dont want a bunch of friends, just a few GOOD ones thats all. damn, if it wernt for danie i dont know what i would do. come home from work everyday, sit alone watching movies, eating patato chips. who knows maybey ill take up drinking. i can become a sad pathetic drunk and waste my life away. hell it wouldnt be much differant, im doing a pretty good job of wasting my life away right now. why do i feel so sad? why do i get like this? is it because i just got back from a football game i went to ALL BY MYSELF because i couldnt get anyone to go with me? is it because i have things to say... things i cant say in this diary for fear someone i dont want to read it, will? is it because i just want to feel good about myself and i cant knowing that im worth nothing, that if i were DEAD only immideat family members would even notice. let alone care. oh yeah , and my job... it would probably take them a few days to replace me. this life would not miss me... im nothing, im a sad little loner with nothing to look foward to in his sad little life. |