The never ending cycle of love.

2004-06-09, 12:31 a.m.

Holy cow it has been a long time since I updated I know. So much has happened, nothing big but I don�t even know where to begin. I am still doing pretty good. I have so many goals and I am working towards them. I intend to get a gym membership and start working out but I am going to have to wait until my shoulder heals. Unfortunately that might be a while. I separated my A/C joint and despite the fact that I have accelerated healing powers it has been healing rather slowly. I can use it and I have full range of motion but if I move just wrong or a little too fast... ouchie! And I still feel pain when lifting heavy objects... such as... weights. Therefore I might just have to hold off a bit on the whole getting buff thing.

On an even less lighter note Martina is driving my crazy I really don�t think I am going to put up with this anymore. Why do I continue to prolong things? Really I don�t know, I don�t understand it. She was on vacation with her family in Oregon all last week and it was hate to say it... nice while she was gone. The only time I ever had stress was when we talked on the phone. We fought about the same stupid shit even though she was 300+ miles away. She told me her family don�t want her seeing me anymore, I�m not good for her. And they are right I�m not. She needs me in ways I cant provide. So she is hurt all the time. Its sad really she loves me so much that even though I hurt her, she cant bear me not being around. And me all I want is company, and friend, a girlfriend. But everything I do hurts her. She is such a freak about my friendship with Heather one day she tells me its ok and she wants us to be friends, and the next day she is freaking out because she saw me talking to her.

Right now I just don�t know if its worth it to me. Everything else is going good and I am in no place to deal with a psycho chick right now. She has so many good qualities that I love. But right now the bad ones are overpowering them. She has been depressed about bills and career shit lately and she has been mopie and complainie. Today she told me she wished an accident upon herself so she don�t have to deal with it anymore. So me being the real person I am I told her to quit her whining, join the club 99% of the world has job and or career stress. No one is happy all the time. So she got all hurt and told me im not supportive. I said I am supportive because I just told you to pull your head out of your ass and do something about it other then bitching. So she got mad and left. That was about an hour ago. Since then she has called me like 5 times in witch I tell her the same thing, and then she hangs up on me. Oh the games we play. We make each other so happy don�t we.

In the midst of one of those conversations we decided to take a break away from each other for a bit. I think it�s a good idea. I need space, we so need space. We have things to figure out. We both need to get our lives together. But to tell you the truth I don�t see it happening more then likely tomorrow I will be jonesing to hang out and she will be jonesing for me. Therefore the never ending cycle of loves will start all over again. Im excited lemme tell yah!

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