growing up... and stuff.

2006-01-26, 12:12 a.m.

when do you know wether you should trust your mind or your heart? because for me... they always seem to disagree with one and other. i suppose its that way for most people, i get it.
is it true what has been said about me? that i will never get to enjoy the way two people complement eachother?
i think i already do, and i have been too distracted too see it. when i look at my life right now... the one thing about it that stands out above all others, is martini. the one thing i have that i am truly excited about. yes we have had a shitty past but thats just what it is... the past. in my mind i contenue to allow it to hold me down... but in my heart i know that things are differant now. we have both grown up so much, even since we moved to wyoming. i am in a place right now that i never thought i would be in. at least not before "being swept off my feet" yes thats been my thing for a while now and i realize how silly it is. how you feel about a person when you first meet them is totaly differant after you get to know them. that means the begining does not count. just because we got off to a bad start does not mean that it will always be that way. i know that because if i stop thinking and just feel... it feels right.
going back to the place i am in right now. first off i want to buy a house, not by myself but with martini. second thing... the third week in febuary we are planning a week vacation, we are going home to see our friends and family. the night before we leave saturday 2/18/06 i will have a candlelight dinner waiting for her when she gets home, soft love songs playing in the background, and befrore we eat i will have a little surprise for her.
i have been thinking alot and this is really what i want to do this is both my heart and my mind, i am not being irrational, stupis or anyhting... its what i want.

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