Still I'm the one who's stupid.2004-04-03, 6:56 p.m.Ouch! What a shitty ass day today was. Man do I wish I was dead right now. First ting this morning I find out I have to spend my only freaking day off work... helping at another store. Boy am I happy about that, I was looking forward to a day off.Then here I am trying to be a civil nice guy with Martina and she gives me a crusty with a side of attitude. For no reason. So I lost my temper and pelted her with a packet of mayonnaise. I feel a little silly about that now but at the time it seemed like a good idea. So we spent most of the day mad as hell at each other for pretty much no reason at all. Then she came to talk and we worked things out. I said I was sorry for humming a packet of mayonnaise at her and she said she was sorry for giving me icy attitude. So basically we made up... a little too much because then she wanted us to get together tonight. I know where that leads and I know it�s not a good idea. So I said... that�s not a good idea. So I made her all sad and depressed and telling me she wanted to kill herself. I know she just wants me the think I need to be there for her and it�s not right. We are going through a breakup and being together is not a good idea. It makes the getting over each other part tougher. So I was very forward and direct when I said... not tonight. So then she asked me about tomorrow. Seriously chick you are the one who wanted to break up, you are the one who says I�m a disrespectful asshole who don�t give a damn about anyone but myself. You say that and then you call me on the phone telling me how you want to die because I don�t think it�s a good idea for us to hang out. This is all too screwy for me right now. I have my own problems... and about an hour ago I made them a whole lot worse. Yeah, well you know my little secret crush on Heather... well that�s no secret anymore. I told her everything... what was I thinking? WELL OBVIOUSLY I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA! Damn me. It was horrible and awkward just as I FUCKING knew it would be. But at the time I felt like I had to, it was weird the timing was right because she was telling me about how she hates that all these guys like her but the one guy she likes (who is not me but the way) wants nothing to do with her. So I was like �YEAH I KNOW THE FEELING� and it just pored out of me like gooey fungus crap oozing out of a gooey fungus... thing. And then I could not breath, I wanted to vomit, my heart stopped for about 2 seconds, and I was wishing at that moment an alien space ship would come crashing down through the roof and smash the fuck out of me. But that did not happen. Nope. Instead there was this really, really, awkward and uncomfortable silence for latterly 5 minutes. Then her cell phone rings, and it was one of those... �I have to take this� calls. So I sat in that very same place and did not move for about a half hour or so. As soon as I could move I grabbed my keys and headed to my car. |