Love sick.2004-04-29, 7:44 p.m.It has been quiet a while since I have updated. I am a slacker I know. I have been hanging out with Martina a lot. I know that�s not the best thing for me to do but at least if she is around I�m not lonely. I might never feel the same way she feels about me but if we are not fighting... she is good company, and pretty fun to be around. We have just been hanging out watching movies, playing softball, going out to eat, and having extreme amounts of sex. But I think tonight we are just going to do our own thing. That�s the good thing about not living together... when we start getting sick of each other we can just take a day away from each other.I don�t know what�s going on between us... I�m confused. But I did find out that she is not pregnant, that�s real good news. I can stop worrying now. I think as of now we are just taking it slowly to see where it goes. I know she wants to get back with me but understands I need my time. I know it�s not fair to her if I keep her on standby waiting to see if Heather falls madly in love with me. I know how fucked up that is, so we had a talk about it. And I told her what I believe is the truth. Heather and I are only friends, nothing more... ever. And I do believe that. She has been in San Diego for the last week and while she has been gone I have felt so much better. I discovered the love sick is a real sickness. And the cure is all in my head, accept the fact that it can never be and I feel better. That is what I have done and it worked... kind of. She came back today and we talked for maybe five minutes then I went home. I admit it is hard to see her again, it was much easier when she was gone. But I know I can do it... like I said... it�s all in my head. I have been listening to some new music lately and I�m really enjoying it. I bought a few punk cd�s. Blink-182, and I borrowed some of my youngest brother Cody�s so I could make copies. AFI, and a few others that I can�t think of right now. I think I�m hooked. Danie is helping me with my diaryland banner because I suck and I can� think of anything good on my own. I made up one a while ago but I�m not getting any love so I figured I might ask for help from a pro. Well shit I can�t think of anything else to write about right now so I think I�m giving up... seeeeeeeeyaahhh. |