Sad but true...

2005-03-07, 8:58 p.m.

Long time I know but I cant help it my life is so boring there is never anything to write about. I used to have all this drama and so much to bitch about. I suppose it�s a good thing that there is not drama but instead of having shit to bitch about� I just feel kind of flat. Maybe I am growing up or something because things don�t bother me as much as they used to. I am doing better in my relationship then I have in a long time� maybe ever. I am at least. My girl is still not happy with me. I have changed and done everything I told her I would and now I have a whole new list of personality defects that I need to fix so she don�t leave me again. As a matter of fact just the other night (Friday night) she broke up with me for about an hour and then she changed her mind. She told me that I don�t respect her and she is not happy in the relationship. She left went to her friends house and an hour later she came back and told me she had changed her mind. Witch is ok because I am used to it by now. I think over our 2 year relationship she has dumped me at least 45 times. Its almost funny I suppose. Ha, ha!
I know I used to be a shitty boyfriend. But things are so different now. Then I was young and immature. I fucked up my first relationship, and even the start of my second. But now I have become who I had wanted to and through my experiences I have learned so much. I know now I am capable of being a good husband someday� believe it or not I was afraid I would not� for a while.
But I can�t really be looking for a wife when I already have a girlfriend can I? I could see myself marring her someday� but I honestly don�t see that day coming for a while. I don�t think either one of us is too sure of the other one. Sad but true� I could not speak for her as to why she is not sure of me but as far as I go� really I still don�t trust her. She has not been honest with me at all since we met, she a list of guys like a mile long and I feel like if I turn my head for just a minute she will add to that list in a heartbeat. And that scares me. How long till it happens again??? Or even is it happening behind my back right now???



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