decision time.

2005-03-08, 8:06 p.m.

Something happened at work today that has really been bothering me. There is this lady that works there she is like 50 or so. We have worked together since I have been at this store so like 5 years or so. In the 5 years we have worked together we have never liked each other. Ill call her Marge I don�t really remember who started but a long time ago we started expressing our dislike for one and other verbally. Taking stabs at each other whenever we get a chance. Its been going on for so long its almost like I got used to it and it never really bothered me.
A few weeks ago I was on vacation with my girlfriend in Oregon. I was gone for 10 days. Last Monday was my first day back, I was telling a friend about my trip. I told him how I went for a swim in the ocean and almost got taken away by the waves, and drown. Marge overheard the conversation and said something to the affect of� everyone would have been better off if I had died, it was so nice wile I was gone, and she wished I had never came back. She has made so many comments like that in the years we have worked together but for some reason that really bothered me. Since then she has been piling it on more the usual. Ever since I came back from vacation she has gotten to me more then I should let her. I think it has been building since then.
Today at work� it was my day off and I was working. I walked in the backroom to throw some trash. She was there talking to this other guy well call him Bert. And she made some comment like� oh great there he is. For whatever reason instead of thinking for some quick witty comeback I just gave her the bird and went off on her. I told her she was a bitter old hag and no one likes her, that�s why she is 50 years old and has never been married and never will.
I was out of line and I lost my temper but considering the things she has said to me in the past I think that was pretty mild. Later on Jeff called me and told me she had call the union and filed a harassment claim against me. And she has a perfect witness. Bert, he wants my job and see this as a perfect opportunity to get it. Between the two of them that blew it out of proportion so bad you would think I verbally assaulted her.
I�m not sure what�s going to happen but I don�t really care. The truth is I hate my job. I never wanted to be the manager of a fucking grocery store working for a company that don�t give a fuck about me or my family and friends, or my well being. I see this as an opportunity to get a job that I want, and don�t feel shitty doing. The problem is I have never given much thought about what I really want to do.
I hate school and I don�t even have a high school diploma so that rules out 95% of the jobs out there. I suppose I could get one but what for? What do I want to do? I make more money then most of the people I know but that�s not what its about. Money is� just money. If I have learned anything about money it�s that you always spend what you make. If I make $100,000 a year I live in a big fancy house and drive a nicer car. If I make $50,000 a year I live in a decent house and drive a decent car. If I make $25,000� well you get the idea.
And if I have learned anything about life I have learned that you always get used to what you have no matter how nice or� decent it is. So my choice is I can fight this and kiss some ass and try and get myself out of trouble, and keep living this life style, doing a job I hate! Or I can lower my lifestyle until I find a job I am truly happy with!
I used to tell myself that my job is just a job and what I do when I�m not working is my life. And I believe that so I suppose I have a decision to make.


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